Monday, January 24, 2011

Middle Finger To Winter

Hi there today, so are you enjoying the worst time of the year?  The bitter cold, relentless snow, and the morons who can't drive in it?  Its what I like to call old man winter's revenge.  The revenge part was put in to make it sound more dramatic and scary, did it work?  So do you curl up with some pork grinds and pack it in until April?  I know a lot of questions so early in the week huh, oh well I will give you time to compile your answers.

Winter is a season I think that has two personalities.  The one side its what kicks off the holiday season which to me is still magical no matter how old I become.  On the other hand Winter has it's dark side, it is the guest at the party who won't leave no matter how hard you want them to.   As an impulsive eater Winter is like the evil devil on my right shoulder who is telling me, that it is ok, go ahead with the take out pizza you still have jeans that fit and don't forget about the sweat pants with the elastic.

So how do you combat the relentless pounding of old man winter?  I think you first walk outside in shorts and a t-shirt and give it the finger or whatever you deem appropriate.  Be creative, but mindful of your neighbors and the local laws of indecency.  Then what I think you do is plan a picnic, yes a picnic that revolves around everything that isn't winter.  To hell with braising and soups, do something rebellious again be creative. Close your eyes and think summertime barbecue and all the food that accompanies it, imagine you have a perfect tan and everyone hates your sexiness.  

I would say for starters wipe the snow off the grill and fire it up.  Your neighbors will think you are crazy and think you forgot to pay your gas bill.  It will certainly get you a double take and maybe they will return all those "borrowed" tools they have just out of shear paranoia.  Then get the grill white hot and throw some Flintstones style steaks on there and let them sear and cook to perfection.  Then a nice cold pasta salad and some homemade baked beans.  You know the ones where you really bake them instead of just reliying on the talking dog brand.  Then clear some space on the floor in the living room and throw a blanket down and have a Winter picnic.  Make some fruity drinks and close your eyes and pretend its 75 degrees with a slight breeze and all is super awesome.

Now a word to Winter:

Winter you may be a necessary evil, but it doesn't mean I like you or care to enjoy you.  To me you are the frienemy of the all the seasons. I will fight you with every fiber I have and you will not get the best of me.  Go ahead and snow and make my 20 minute commute a two hour one you will not conquer me.  Because I have warm food and friends to get me through.  So take yourself back north where people enjoy you, you are not welcomed here no more.

Now that felt good.

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